The Eternal State ~ Advaita Nonduality

q&a updated 01 Sept 08 - fear is me

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01 September 2008

What Is Fear?

Q: It has been a number of months since our last exchange, things have become clearer to me, I've been re-reading John Wheeler's pointers.....always very helpful. The reason why I am writing you again is that there is an apparent obstacle in the form of great, annihilating fear when I relax in the present and it's seems to become bigger the more relaxation happens. I let it happen and accept as best as I can but the fear persists and is coming back again and again for months now and has me stuck somehow with it. Of course it is not real - however it feels very real in these particular moments. Do you have any "hands-on" advice or comment about this "obstacle". As always you efforts on line with all of your pointers are very much appreciated!

C: You say "I" let it happen, and "I" accept as best "I" can but what exactly IS this "I"? Moreover what is this that you call fear? What are these things called "I" and "fear" MADE of? What is their substance? Are these things at all?

Listen to these two audios: (At least three times each please)

Bob Adamson: http://charliehayes36.tripod.com/thesearchistheproblem.mp3

Charlie: http://charliehayes36.tripod.com/thisisnow.mp3

Then read the following, at least three times, NOT trying to figure it out but LOOKING WITH these pointers of language ... and write again after a few days of baking in this, if you like.

What Is A “Me”?

We say this is me, you know me or you don’t know me, we say this is mine and that is not mine – all as though this me or I that claims to be “myself” is a THING.

Okay, fair enough. But what IS the “thing” you and I call “me”?

If “me” is a thing, what is that thing made of?

Things have properties and are made of some essential thing -- like snow is made of water – like wind is made of air, like this appearing text and white space on your computer is made of ones and zeros, like the rug is made of wool. So what exactly is “me” made of? What is the essence, the fundamental or “elemental” nature if you like, of a “me”?

Do you know that in actual fact, you do not know? Is it clear that while we say me and mine, as though we are a thing that owns other things, that we do not know what that me-thing really is? And if we don’t know what it is how do we know there really IS a “thing called me”?

Again I ask us, what is this me made of? Can we describe this me as we might describe a cloud (well, it’s puffy, white and gray, sort of semi-transparent, and it’s changing shape slightly as I look at it)?

Describe your “me” right now. How is it described? Who is that doing the describing? Isn’t that “me” describing “me”? Isn’t “me” going around in circles – me describes me – and what is the describer? The knower of this me describing me? What proves the existence of this me? Isn’t it all a self-reference, energetically and convincingly proving it is real by referring to itself as a thing apart from all other things, over and over? Some call that a vicious circle of conceptual thought referring to a self-avowed existence filled with an energy of emotions, feelings, and desires (always desiring what is NOT present already, present here and now, wanting or fearing a “future” and damning or desiring a “past”). Isn’t that just another description? What is that description made of?

Look into your own sense of being a me. Look directly without attempting to alter that me, or change it in any way. Does that bring up some "fear"? What is that which is afraid? What IS "fear"? Other than energy with a concept labeing it? Whose "energy" is that? Now see if this me is an “it” at all. Is your sense of me an object with properties? Is that me really an object and does it call itself the subject? Isn't that idea of a subject observer of other objects or even other subjects actually substantial? If you say it is then tell me what it is made of, what IS its substance? Be precise. Again what is that seeming “subject-me” made up OF? What is its essence? Be precise in describing the essence of this me. For example: “This ME -- it is a bubble of energy, it is a membrane of sorts, a veil, between nothing and the world, it’s a sensation, a vibration -- it’s a – ummm – I cant really nail down its properties, but I know it is and it’s me – what is it made of? I guess I have to admit I don’t really know what me is made of – oh but wait, me is this body, solid, real, apart from all the other bodes, all the other objects – what is the body made of? What is the essence of this body”?

Look into the body and see what it consist of. Water, air, earth (food), fire (heat), these are the essential properties or substance of the body, right? But what is all of THAT made of? Isn’t it all energy imbued with a subtle intelligence that allows that energy to form a beating heart, a brain with the knowing of how to walk, how to speak? Now what is the substance pf that which observes, describes, and defines itself as that body?

That is more difficult to nail down, isn’t it?

Have a good look! What is ME made up of?

This body? Omigod -- body and all those descriptions of its essence -- just thoughts! Me? I’m just a thought! A thought! An idea of being. Is the idea of being really my being? If so then I am born and I die every few moments as I don’t know I am me unless I happen to think about me! Am I a thought? What is a thought made of? Now we’re back to the beginning g of this useless ponderation! What is a me? A thought form, forming a self-image, a picture show with sounds and images. Self image! Image – is an image of a thing the actual thing? Is the movie on the screen made of real solid characters and buildings and cars and trees etc? What is the movie made of? What is the screen made of? What about the light that illuminates it all? What is that light made of?

What is a thought form made of other that light and shadow? What is LIGHT made of? What!?

WHO CARES?

What’s for lunch?

Q: Thank you for your reminder, "I" took something for real which is not and, as anything unreal, the fear has passed and it can or will come back, but that's irrelevant - what is important is that what is real... Your collection of pointers snapped me right out of  that dream - I needed that slap to "sober up" :-)

From John Wheeler's recent pointers:" The only issue is — do you know beyond any doubt whatsoever what you are? Also, is there any tendency to believe in yourself as a separate self apart from reality? If either of these points is not clear, the suffering and doubts will go on, no matter what else is understood and how clearly the pointers are expressed or understood at a verbal level." It's time to stop playing around and to know once and for all what I am! Hey, it's way too easy for my "sophisticated" mind - LOL. Let me steam with that...............  Thank you so much.

C: You are very welcome. Stay in touch, as Oneness moves that happening.

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Got Questions relating to the "spiritual seeking"?

You are welcome to write to Charlie hayes at non.duality@yahoo.com. 

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