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watching no-body walk across the empty road how
Q: Recently, I had a seeing I'd like to run by Presence to check the air pressure...am I over
or under inflated?
C: Neither or both, take your pick, Puck!
Q: A thought occurred to me while I was sitting on the couch staring out the window. It
was that none of what was being seen could be seen without thought.
C: Not true. Seeing thoughts is also Being, Seeing. There is always Consciousness-Seeing.
Thought merely tries and fails to represent (RE Presence) what is already dead and gone so to say…
Q: All of what I was looking at were simply my mental projections. There was (and
is) a direct seeing of this.
C: True in a way … yet the moment it is described it is already past. The Presence of
Awareness IS the Seeing, without a seer or seen which are just dead words, concepts. Meaningless to what IS. Yet that too
is the pulsing of aliveness, energy, whatever label you like to put over label-less Being-Seeing-Knowing. This Knowing is
NON-conceptual and he brain “devolves” this to wards which come and go in this Being-Reality You are. Underscoring
this? NOT A CONCEPT.
Q: When my brain dies, the world dies...I also had the same seeing with regard to the "story
of Joe"...when thought dies, Joe dies. Too obvious for words. So, "me" and the world are just aggregates of thought,
conditioning, opinions, memories...all to die when the organism dies.
C: The moment you say “I” or “MY” you are back into concepts. THIS is
NON conceptual. Nothing being something being everything and THAT ain’t a concept. It is not even an “IT”.
Words utterly FAIL here!
Q: The question then occurred to me, "what's left when all of these stories disappear?"
An answer came to me...I have no idea! Words like presence, awareness, being mean nothing...there's just this unknowing...and
a quietness, a total lack of any sense of urgency has settled over me...
C: Settles over whom? That natural joy and calm is the always-so background that seems (to the
mind) to emerge through the membrane of identity as Oneness reveals Itself to Itself. But that story ain’t true either!
It’s just a description of the Indescribable Isness of ALL this.
Q: I don't know if this makes sense, but there's just that unknowing and nothing else.
C: As a concept YES. But remember NO concept is the Timeless Empty Joy of Being.
Q: There seems to be a great deal of peace in that unknowing. It appears to be a retelling
of the great Cosmic Joke...the only thing you need to figure out is that there's nothing to figure out! I got this feeling
that, "You're done. Now go live your life."
C: YES INDEED. But you don't live your life. Live lives YOU.
Q: Knowing of course that the I is just a mental construct...it can still be fun being “me
with a name and form.
C: Yep! The greatest joy there is, is the re-discovery of the natural statelessness which is
for the human uncaused joy and absolute freedom. Then to pretend to be me all the while knowing naturally that it’s
ALL The Play Of Being. Timelessness appearing as time, form, all of this. Nothing is resisted and nothing is rejected OR accepted
as there is no doer to do such erroneous judgments and there actually never was.
Q: It feels like a full stop...there's nothing more to know. The "you" you think you are
and the "world" you think you live in are nothing more than thoughts arising. The rest is unknowable.
Q: So relax.
C: No one can “relax” yet that relaxing can happen once the nonconceptual seeps
into the concepts and melts them all. But that is just another concept. NO concept can ever come within a million miles
of what IS. Then (NOW, there is ONLY NOW) life is as it ever was and shall be, a Dance of Being-Presence-Joyousness. For no
one, AND the someone! What FUN it is to BE!
Q: Charlie, I am always amazed at how LOVE just cuts through the bullshit...leaving a glorious
path of destruction and not one single thing to hold on to.
I am going to be brutally honest...I feel truly lost. Every single spiritual method I've
tried has failed. I laugh because I can hear you (and Jeff Foster, to name another) rejoicing,
"Ah, the lad (no one) has arrived at the gates of the Promised Land"). It doesn't feel
that way...it feels completely dead...arid and stale. And, quite frankly, if I read or hear another spiritual teacher
tell me, "you've already got it...it's staring you right in the face!", I might just vomit. I'm tired of books,
tapes, lectures...the whole fucking scene...it just seems to me to be self-indulgent nonsense...spiritual masturbation.
So, I'm left with...THIS. I know that sounds really spiritual, but I assure you,
it's not. I see "this" as a slow and grinding march to my inevitable death, all the while attempting to reconcile
with a neurological disorder that has taken every identity I cherished: musician, artist, worker, husband...blah, blah,
blah...I know it's a "poor me" story, but I can't seem to shake it.
So, when not occupied with other things, I spend my days trying to understand what so obviously
cannot be understood. I create formulizations like the one I sent you...something to grab a hold of to make this meaningless
existence more bearable (btw, I'm not suicidal even if I may sound like it. My brother once told me that life was a
marathon and you had to finish the race...that made a deep impression on me). I listen to you, Jeff Foster, Scott Kiloby...all
lovely and loving people who have awakened (I know, nobody awakens...I've given up on the Advaita-speak a long time ago...very
onerous) and it's not words they're using but the place from which they are spoken. It is a place of peace and
restfulness...and love. I've basically given up the search. For me, there is nothing to find and I'm tired of
looking. I know that can be interpreted as a very "spiritual" statement as well...take it more as a "Fuck it, I give
up" kind of thing.
C: You can't give up what you are not doing. It's being done! If YOU could give it up you would
have done so a LONG damn time ago, yes? Giving up is impossible. That is the word: IMPOSSIBLE. 'Cuz YOU ain't doing it!
What Is IS and what ain't aint. But not for YOU. The gate to Paradise is forever closed to any
"me" or "you".
You aren’t in charge here! It's the utter innocence (in no sense) of the seeking and in
the bottom pit of never ever 'finding,' in the empty horror of deep resignation (ah, fuck this!)
and deep despair (too much, can't bear it!), in the hear of THAT the Gift is found. Bad news: YOU cannot DO this, this seeing
at and thru the Heart of what is arising and is resisted. Good news?YOU cannot PREVENT it. Let's say, IT happens when it does.
In the absolute failure of the mind to get what it wants (peace, freedom, love etc) even after 30 or 40 years of practices,
gurus, satsangs and all the other dogmatic spiritual bullshit, then in the frustration of failure to get there can be the
opening to this as-it-is-ness. Hopeless Despair is a great seed of liberation! You will NEVER get enough of what doesn't work.
So long as there is a fixation on a false me-me-me, this me will appear as I WANT THEREFORE I AM. And no matter how much you
get IT IS NEVER ENOUGH. Like the James Bond movie title said, "The WORLD Is Not
That's the hardest thing for the seeker to hear! So the way this is happening over there is
no mistake. It's Oneness inviting you Home.
Let's talk. Call me around today
(it's 3 here now.)
Q: We have never spoken, but I've heard you and many others talking "crap".
C: Crap? Yes Indeed! The moment we talk or write, we are talking BS!
Q: 12 months ago I had never heard of Enlightenment or Liberation. No spiritual search, no meditation, no
nothing. My thing was psychology- trying to feel better using logic and reading other people's studies on coping strategies
to feel better as a person. Did all that-got a degree in fact! I was going to change jobs and be a psychologist. Never happened.
Something wasn't right. Don’t know what, just something.
As long as I can remember, the world seemed strange, alien in fact. I thought I was a bit weird, not like
the rest. I think I looked to psychology to answer a question that I couldn't even formulate. A friend lent me "Power of Now".
I took it just to be polite. I would never even consider reading anything with spirituality in the title. Rather than ignoring
it I read it. From that day I searched the net to find out more. Found nonduality sites: Urban Guru; Jeff
Foster; Salior Bob. Went to see Tony Parsons in London. I listened,
but to be honest something felt right but I didn't really see.
C: That’s very close to how it was for me.
Q: One day, 6 months ago, I was standing outside the supermarket. Out of the blue, there was looking at people,
cars, buses, in fact everything, almost as if it was for the first time. Peoples faces, the bags they were carrying and the
vivid bright colours of the bus drawing-up were not ordinary anymore. This passed very quickly and I wanted it back. It didnt
happen and I just kept searching and searching for repeats. I wanted to own it again. Depression set in and despair became
the norm. I was envious and suspicious of all nondual speakers. Why couldn't I hold-on to something I thought they had.
It is now recognised that the day at the supermarket was simply looking with nobody looking; natural functioning
I guess with the idea of a controller not present. The thing is, and this is where things become totally unfathomable: separation-no
separation; clarity-confusion; getting it-not getting it; fear-confidence, are an expression of Oneness. There is no need
to stop doing anything because you never did anything in the first place- mind you, there never has been anyone and there
has never been anytime other than right Now.
Simply, when there's no one to know how.
C: That's a beautiful expression; very well said, insofar as words can point to this unfathomable …
The seeing that I know nothing yet all is known occurs as it always has been, effortlessly, and only the SEEING is the actuality of what is,
Once "it's seen by no one" the search that never could have borne fruit is over... as Jeff Foster (and Bob
Adamson and Tony Parsons and Gilbert Schultz) and others repeat so often .... (which is missed as long as 'I" am looking
for it) ... it's just the SEEING ..... no seer no seen were ever real ..... only concepts ....... and all that ever was is
will be is SEEING .... naturally knowing without the conceptual "knower" :-)
As this correspondent points out, It is simple; this CANNOT be "known". Understanding this is a kind of cruel
booby prize. The search is absolutely going to end in the failure of "you" (the mind) to attain this, and in that there can
be an opening to what REALLY IS beyond comprehension or understanding... see that we have adopted a mental construction of
non-duality and stopped short of "letting the message in" ... of course that is not your doing; if you were "doing" the seeking
or "it was your confusion and mental construct" you'd cut that in a New York minute!
Q: Isn’t “no thing” still a form of awareness? An aware space? Perhaps it
is aware from the perspective of the brain, which thinks there is a centre point of awareness…. So, "I am", is a mental
consequence of the actual. And this I am points to an eternal being which is nonconceptual etc. Okay. But if Being is eternal
and free, why the need for any realization? Is the practice of self enquiry and I am meditation simply a way to quieten the
mind so that being can realize itself? Or is the practice for the mind to realize being? And so when the mind-body realizes
the truth, it can live more fully and happily?
C: ANY "practice" keeps you alive as separation and is futile. in the end all doing frustrates
and it's seen by no pone that quite simply ... That's why "self-inquiry" does not work. Why meditation DOES NOT WORK.
NOTHING WORKS. You cannot "get" this; you ARE this. Drop all practice and BE. (Not that 'you'
can do that.) :-)
Nothing works FULL STOP. You are NO THING and THAT CANNOT "know itself."
Q: Thank you. Much Love.
C: Love ya back!
06 may 09 _______________________________________________________________________________
There is NO ONE to GET No Thing!
Q: After some self enquiry and meditation on the I am, its clear that the I am is space.
Q: It has a kind of flavour, which is the sense of existence. Now this sense is hard to come
by unless this body-mind complex has done some meditation. How does one stay in the I am in a world of distractions?
C: NO. Space-like Being HAS no attributes. It is No Thing. NOT a thing at all. NOT even a "thing
called No Thing. It is not an IT at all!
Q: I am distracted very easily from the I am. Yet, I realise that staying in the I am, has helped
me become more spontaneous and creative with my life. I think it has very practical aspects. As if the universe works through
this body mind complex when you are staying in the I am. All I’m asking is; does it get easier, the more you practice?
C: For WHOM? And what IS that “I” with endless desires for what is NOT?
Q: Do you have to keep remembering the I am, or does one come
to a point where I am stays put?
C: “You” CANNOT ‘stay in the I am.’ Period, Full Stop. “I”
is just a thought that comes and goes. That thought POINTS to the No Thing of Being, translated by the programmed brain as
Your True Nature IS The I AM but That I AM is NONVERBAL, UNBORN, Nonconceptual, thought-free,
Is-ness. THAT is NOT a "thing" that another "thing" called "You" or "Me" can grasp. Try and grab a handful of space! That
metaphor may shed light in the total impossibility that an assumed entity called "I" can EVER "attain" Oneness. There is NO
separation in That. To assume “I am separate” and now “I must stay in what I am” merely reinforces
the assumption of separation. So the understanding (understanding only) that must arise is that the attempt to gain this “permanent
state” is absolutely FUTILE. You cannot “get” what you already always ARE.
Moreover, even the space-sense I AM is only an appearance of Consciousness IN the Timeless Spaceless
Eternity which is The Light behind the “I AM”. This is just speaking poetically here, don’t get wrapped
in the words. They only POINT to Indescribable ISNESS of Being-Consciousness-Love.
YOU are that Light. That Light is as NO THING. YOU are That … NO Thing. Don’t pretend
to be a thing separate from All That Is. THIS IS IT. There is NO "hidden meaning or secret!" You already are what you are
seeking, and seeking is the sure fire best way to NOT BE as You TRULY ARE.
It would certainly SEEM to that falsely assumed identity “I” that life is designed
to always be disappointing. Seeing the futility of trying to become or attain some desired realization that simply does not
exist in any way shape or form is the ultimate disappointment. There is NOTHING to "get"; how could Space "Get" space? There
is NO ONE to GET No Thing!
Looking in the Space of Beingness for a separate "me’", NOTHING is found. YOU are THAT.
NO THING. Don’t refuse to be as you really are… No Thing.
PS: Here is a pointer from John Wheeler:
“Without identification with the notion of “I”, what can be wrong? That is the root of the conceptual
tangle. But you stand ever-free of that as the undeniable presence of being/knowing beyond conceptual thought — now
and always. From there, functioning happens, just like it always did. But it is no longer run through the belief in the imagined,
limited sense of self.” –The NaturalState
No Thing has NO “location”, NO “center” NO beginning, NO end. That is both Here and Not Here.
THAT has no time, no substance, no reality, and yet appears as the totality of all that seems to be.
05 may 09 _______________________________________________________________________________
Source and Appearance are NOT TWO.
Q: I was listening to the conference today (2 May, 2009) and there was a kind of peaceful feeling in it. I remembered one
experience I had about a week ago as I was listening to music, watching video clips, and also reading some writings on your
site. I had wondered what taking the leap and facing the void was that you mentioned was when suddenly I stopped,
and I do not know if I can find the words, but I went blank.
C: Let’s call that an “awakening experience”. An event that came and went
in the Timeless Naked Presence which You actually are.
Q: There was no thought, I fell into something, or it felt like I was falling, but I think it
was just the process of realizing something. Anyway, I was suddenly the Awareness; that is I was aware of being the awareness
which was aware of nothing. There was nothing to be aware of.
C: Yet the idea of a person (labeled ‘I’) claims the natural Emptiness as some attainment.
Where IS this “I” that says “I think, I fell etc”? Not to invalidate that experience; just to see
that the claim that “this happened to ‘me’ is elusive and points to a core false belief still apparently
operating at the “system level” so to speak. Look for that “I”. What is found? No Thing. The True
You is No Thing.
Q: Suddenly, I was afraid and recoiled to my "normal” state of illusion. But it changed
me. Instead of facing this aware void, I ran terrified back to the comfort of illusion. I know better that to feel guilty,
but it was an experience that I cannot forget. And, when I looked at my watch, since that was the last thing I did before
leaning back and having that experience, I was aware of the time which had gone by. I was surprised that it had been between
three and just under five seconds (not counting the time it took to look at and away from the watch) and yet it had
seemed somewhat longer.
C: Where IS that I? Find it. You will not. The task is FUTILE. You are already the Awareness
you seek, which appears to the brain as No Thing. THAT Thou Art.
Ask that brain this question unrelentingly, until Source is clear: “How des me know I
am I?” Your true nature is that Silent Timeless Source of all that is. Being is Not Two. Source and Appearance are NOT
Q: In reading your Q and A material, I was wondering if that was a false experience, or
if it was an Awareness experience. I know that Awareness is simply ordinary and usually not spectacular, I guess from what
various pointers seem to imply. But this was outside experiences I have had previously, and it changed something.
C: So that’s what happened in the dream then and there which is recalled (RE called or
RE cognized Here and Now on the Screen of that Empty Presence that you are in truth.
Q: In looking within, I could find no one who experienced this seemingly fearful event. I do
not know why it happened at all as well as at that time.
C: There is NO why. Everything appears by itself, for no one, to no one.
Q: All that I know is that the feeling of being aware and being aware that as awareness there
is nothing to be aware of was frightening to me, or my mind/body-ego.
C: That is a false assumption; that “Awareness” is a “thing” that another
“thing” could be aware OF. Awareness is No Thing. Fear is sometimes the experience when the apparent existence
of a separate 'me' is challenged. Let it be. All comes and goes while YOU as This Presence remain eternally steadfast and
Q: I guess. I just wanted to share that and to thank you also for such a wonderful conference.
One person I know also was there and had a click at certain things you said, and was moved by the conference.
C: You're very welcome, my friend. That is good to hear.
Q: If there is a next time, perhaps I will be able to let go and go beyond just a few seconds.
C: There is no time! There is ONLY This Presence ... PRE Sense, Naked Awareness. Where is "time"
unless there is a thinking about it? There is only NOW and in Reality not even THAT!
C: Let us all thank ‘Sailor’ Bob Adamson! His pointing out what is Real and what
is Unreal is a profound and welcome gift in the sea of “spiritual bullcrap” that passes for “Advaita”.
Advaita translates as NOT TWO. Not only is this “NOT just for the few, all beings are already That – One Being
without a second; NOT TWO.
There is only One Being and YOU are THAT. Everyone is and has always been and always will be
That. As Bob says, “One Essence appearing as Everything.
That’s IT. Full Stop!
Thanks for writing and there is a timeless joy here that the conference call proved impactful
for you. Please feel free to stay in touch. Much Love to you.
03 may 09 _______________________________________________________________________________
There Is No Controll; 'you' are a Ghost
Q: I don't even know what to really ask - what's bother me is a feeling that through spirituality
and searching for my true self I am really escaping (I definitely was escaping at the beginning and the spiritual ego has
arisen -- now I clearly see this), and all of this is just a fake to avoid pain guilt and sorrow for not achieving success
in my as I can name it 'daily' life. I had some true experiences which totally changed the way perceive the world.
What IS this “I”?
Have a good look … see if you can actually FIND a separate entity called “me”
Is there one” Apart from a memory arising right now, right here, in this Timeless Presence,
WHERE IS any so-called “I-person?”
Q: But somehow there is sadness inside.
C: So, that’s what appears IN Presence, Now, Here. Is that what you are? NO. YOU are No
thing; Presence, Awareness THIS and no thing else!“Sadness” is an
experiencing of Oneness, of No Thong, appearing as energy arising … labeled sadness. What is that with no label? As
Bob Adamson says, what’s wrong with right now unless you think about it (label it)?
Q: I don't know who I am and don't know how or what to do - I feel totally scattered. Before
all of that (I mean spirituality) I was very outgoing person - I was going to parties I had many friends, goals I had worked
on, but now almost everything vanished.
C: All that was done by The One No Thing-Ness. You never did any of it: IT appeared to happen.
Q: I set my self new 'daily' goals, but I don't have as much drive as some years ago. And don't
have the need to meet with people - I always feel that I am not myself, that I am pretending someone else, that I am not me.
But there are moments when I feel deeply connected and one with the world. I asked questions who is bothered by all of this,
who is the one who is sad. But whenever I tried the answer was my body.
C: I.I. I.
You are dreaming that you are the I, but that I you are convinced is you is nothing but a memory, an idea arising in this
Q: But who is convinced that it is my body - the answer was still that it is my body.
C: That is another thought construct. Where IS “my body” until you think-believe
it? The notion of owning a body, a car, a house etc is part of the dream of being a “me” with all these “other
things” as either “mine or not mine”. It’s all just false belief, like “Santa Claus” and
the “Easter Bunny”. You take a ghost to be real. Taint true my friend.
Q: And it is constant looping. Even when I ask the question who is bothered by this looping
(and similar) - I always get answer: my body - I feel deep physical pain when I ask such a question. When I go deeper it lessens,
but it comes and comes again and again. It is almost always the same. I feel like I am missing something and I don't know
C: What is “being missed’ is the SPACE IN WHICH these thought-beliefs arises. Like
the space in a room is overlooked in focusing on the objects in the space, overlooking Being, Awareness-Presence, focusing
on the object “I-I Am though, and adding onto it as “I am this body” and those “other bodies other
objects, are NOT “mine’ … this is delusion, the ignorance of the dream entity which is very simply UNREAL.
Q: Now I feel like I am on the edge of psychical illness.
C: So go see a doctor!
Q: I fear that I am gonna hurt the people close to me. (When I inquiry this fear the same happens
that I have written above).
C: Who? There is no controller in that organism. All your fears are imaginary.
Q: I really don't know what to ask. I am tired of all of this. I am tired of this unhappiness.
And the only one who is tired seems to me by body. I don't know how to end this suffering. I feel lost. What am I missing??
C: Again: No Thing; the SPACE. You are NO THING. Full Stop.
A False Premise Yields Only More False Assumptions
Q: How do I know when I am serving the ego? It doesn't ever seem clear to me until later
on after the act is done. I feel a visceral response usually, but I don't always know how to interpret it's meaning.
Am I being too sensitive?
C: Owing to the fact that the question is framed within an invalid premise any answer would
only nurture reinforce the false premise. You may as well ask what street the man in the moon lives on.
There is no I, no person, no ego. Who asks the question? A falsely assumed construct of I and
other, an I assumed to be real in ignorance of what actually IS real – this Presence-Awareness empty of any separate
persona or “ego” whatsoever.
This Presence is the Reality; all else is false assumptions which when uninvestigated go on
conning the mind forever until death do it Part!
Ask that brain noise, WHO CARES? What IS the I and IS IT REAL? What are "others and are THEY
Q: Why does not the questioner verify the truth
C: There IS NO "WHY". And no "questioner" either! This makes no sense to an intellect ... Oneness never could "make sense!"
All simply IS (and not even that).
Everything appears and unappears (or, so it "seems") ...
... to the spaceless timeless unborn Awareness.
You are THAT. ALL there IS, is THAT.
“Why”? Who asks Why? IS there a
questioner apart from a question? And can a questioner appear without a questioner? What IS the question/questioner? Just
thoughts; nothing special, just energy patterning into sounds. Meaningless and irrelevant. But BELIEVE a thought to be referring
to a real “thing” (me, other, question-ER etc) and the Stuff hits the fan! But only apparently!
Brains can also seem to think, “Why? Why NOT”? Anything and
everything is possible in Infinite Being … YET … There is NO doer who COULD do this; yet it happens … IF
it does….no one is “in charge” of that … to speak about the investigation into “what am I”
is far more a DE-scription of a spontaneous occurring due to the natural unfolding of Life rather than a PRE- scription of
a doing that some entity must take up. But on investigation and direct evidence: IS there a separate entity? NO. There simply
IS NO such controlling entity!
Q: This logic he has presented is for the mind
a very plausible scientific evaluation.
C: WHO has "presented"? There is NO who. THAT is a trap! “This”
or “Oneness” POINTS to That which IS and THAT is BEYOND any “logic!”. The intellect is utterly useless
for self-recognition! The answer is NOT a concept the intellect can grasp and own. Books, “scripture”, “Upanishads”,
various “Gitas”, are ALL for the ignorant intellect. The word-sound “Jnana” or “Advaita”
is a pointer to NO THING. NOT Two. Despite some containing a so-called “5000 years of Advaita” appear “sensible”
yet what you are is BEFORE and BEYOND both “sense” and “non-sense”. THIS is NO THING yet “manifests”
as ALL that appears within Itself, like a hologram which is NO Thing appearing as thingness, two-ness, multiplicity and separateness,
ONLY “because of the Laser Light. In this same way the Light of Infinite Eternity gives rise to the appearance
yet all there is IS that Light, allowing the Maya-movie of totality to LOOK separate. It’s like water appearing in a
mirage: is there water or just an appearance of water
Q: It is all thinking, so called correct thinking.
C: NO. There is NO “correct thinking”!
Thinking is just energy moving in meaningless pointless patterns believed in our ignorance.
Q: Is he at a point of serious investigation
of the heart of the matter, of finding who
is questioning, who is seeking the answer, who his me is?
C: Again WHO? Yet paradoxically to a brain-mind: Yes. There must be an earnestness,
yet “you” cannot CAUSE that because there just ain’t no you as a separate causal entity! It does SEEM that
a serous commitment that arises …from Oneness Itself … then the investigation my happen. But whether that bears
fruit is in NO one’s control!
Ponder these pointers from John Greven, which put Light right on the point
of this enquiry:
What is your next thought
going to be?
It is a simple question, but the answer is profound. The answer carries with it ramifications
that will undo core beliefs about who you think you are. With just a little watching, you may discover that the answer to
the question is not known until the thought arises. If this is true, what does that mean for who you think you are?
Because the next thought is not and cannot be known until it is already present, some questions
If I don’t know what the next thought is going to be, who comes up with it?
If I don’t know what the next thought is going to be, how can I know what choices are
going to be made?
If I don’t know what choices are going to be made, who does?
If I don’t know what choices are going to be made, am I making them at all?
If I didn’t make the choice, where did it come from?
Have I ever made a choice about anything?
If I have never made a choice, is there any responsibility?
And now. Have a good look into THIS…
If the “I” is just an illusion, with no independent existence, then what can you
do towards self-realization? Some “teachers” says there is nothing you can do. If you are a seeker - that is frustrating
and just does not seem right. There certainly seems to be a “me” doing things. Others say, to investigate
the “I.” Ask the question, “Who am I?” As always, the problem is trying to understand these seemingly
conflicting pointers in the mind. What is this non-existent “I” supposed to do? Nothing? Even that is something.
These obviously appear to be two very different approaches. But, neither is intended to be the
answer. They are, like everything else, just pointers. Taken literally, it is a hopeless situation. The “teachers”
who would say, there is nothing you can do will pass the salt if asked. Seemingly, someone did something.
Ask someone what day it is and the mind responds. In the same way, ask someone to inquire, “Who
am I?” and the mind responds. The question is whether or not “someone” responded – or - is it all
apart of the natural functioning?
Certainly it seems like someone is doing the thinking, passing the salt, and asking "Who am
I?", but under investigation that idea is seen to be false. The realization is that there has never been “anyone”
thinking thoughts or doing things. Thoughts, like everything else, come and go according to the influences upon the brain.
Just as a drop of water moves around in the river without an independent nature, so thoughts arise and subside without anyone
choosing or controlling the activity.
The concept that there is nothing you can do to bring the search to an end is true. Yet, doing
is happening all the time isn’t it? The body is hungry and eating happens. The body is tired and sleep happens. The
search itself is happening. If it is true that there is no doer, then a lot is still getting done! So, there is no one telling
you to inquire, “Who am I?” There is no one to inquire, “Who am I?” Yet, the inquiry still happens.
When it is seen that the “I” that believes it is doing the inquiry is just a simple thought with a complex web
of concepts supporting it, then no one uncovered the false center of “me.”
That is as good as this stuff gets! Yet there is no "truth" to it. ALL OF THESE WORDS POINT
BEYOND THE INTELLECT.
Q: The me that is most intimate to his heart
that he would abandon all searches all questions to be with his intimate himself? Who does he think he is? How serious is
he to find the answer? If he is serious, the door is open, check it out, find out who the heck he thinks he is.
C: WHAT “me”? There is NO "me", NO "other", NO "Them",
NO "us," there is absolutely NO PERSON ANYWHERE ... in any appearing collection of patterns of energy that are "called" men
or women or trees or dogs etc.....
But don’t get all tight and intense about
it; that could be quite counter-productive… it’s an easy-does-it looking into the false assumption of a separateness,
a me-apart-from-other. Keep it simple: Where IS the me or I referred to in this question?? Find that ‘me’ if you
can. (You will never find a separate entity, only spacelike awareness).
Q: The mental level survival he talks about,
that answer if he is serious, he can find out himself; he will find out that mental noise at all level die and he will find
that truth, then the truth that was always there.
C: All this is story! It’s SO simple:
Isn’t it now clear and b=obvious, this absolutely indestructible ORDINARY EVERY-WHERE-EVER-NOW Awareness IS?
Q: This body from which life is experienced
is all glory nothing but an indescribable sparkle, but that the mental noise, the noise that made the body like a
reactive machine and the life as either so happy or unhappy, hides the ecstatic beauty of life.
C: NO. Nothing can ACTUALLY “hide’
the intrinsic non-dual Being-Aliveness. Thought may SEEM to obscure, but thought is also IT so where is any problem? Thoughts
are Oneness… there is NO dualism in Nonduality… One-With-No-Other is THIS, as IT Is.
Q: Only when he finds the truth about
the me he knows that
it really does not exist. Scientifically speaking everything is same, bunch of atoms so where is the problem, analytical
C: Where can any problem arise but for a falsely
assumed persona-entity? Seeing that entity AS false, as a transparent insubstantial and powerless though form ONLY, dissolves
the habitual belief in it. The identity never can be….is not here and now, and never will be real. NO ONE “knows”
or “owns” This like some mental idea of a “personal attainment of some “state”. That is dualism
in the most fundamental way. Watch the brain try to own Awareness like it is a thing. THIS I repeat is NO Thing. No watcher,
no witness, nothing to get, no one to get no thing. It’s NO THING. Full Stop.
Look: Seeking "Wholeness, Completion, Happiness, Love or "Liberation" from “Another”,
whether that "revered other" be a "Guru, Guide, Lover, or Friend", is a perfect way to avoid Paradise. Paradise is THIS. Just as it Is and just as it Isn’t. All seeking "out there" is a dream of a “me”,
foolishly knocking on the door to Paradise, from inside Paradise.
Paradise is only lost in seeking it. This Loving Oneness Cannot Be Known To “know”
Oneness there would have to be a sense of separation FROM Oneness. Who cannot see the fault in that so-called "logic"?
Much Love, my friend.. You’ve received the “antivirus injection”. Remember
what Sri Nisargadatta pointed out to us:
“Your own self is your ultimate teacher (SadGuru). The outer teacher (Guru) is merely
a milestone. It is only your inner teacher, that will walk with you to the goal, for he is the goal.”
Q: The following caveat of yours makes it easy for me to pose my question easy. "NOTE ***** get a good physician
and/or psychiatrist (NOT a psychologist) to look at the machine and see if it has some chemical imbalance. Non-duality is NOT a substitute for proper medical
assessment and care!" Obviously, in spite of all the claim of there being only ( Non-Dual) "beingness"
and no thing else (!), you do view the existence of a separate machine!
C: There is NO reference point or entity here or anwhere else; so WHO is the me or you with
a view? That’s the mistake of a seemingly split mind which is just meaningless sounds, brain synapses firing, saying
words that can never divide silence-stillness of what is Real….
Q: Now this machine, for its very beingness, has to eat. And eating (devouring) implies
the predator-prey pyramid and all the games of running for security by the prey and violence and aggression by the predator.
Misery is guaranteed for the prey. Thus the requirememnt of 'food' by the machine violates all non-dualism, Oneness
-- predator and prey (two, not one), death traps or safe zones for the prey (fragmented space, not one infinite space), destruction
of what is eaten (violence, not love). Is Non-Dualism then a mere escape at a mental level from the inescapable, inevitable
and inexorable "Natural Laws" ? Is it just another survival tactic to go with a 'feel' of having conquered the ineluctable
disease, decay and death?
C: The robot-like body-mind stimulus-response machine IS an aspect of Oneness.
A dream appearance.
All is One.
This is the Grand Paradox. No thing IS everything and YET in Reality neither one and THAT is
INCOMPREHENSIBLE. The Absolute is not figure-out-able, my friend.
The ONE IS: Key Word! - EVERYTHING. Nothing excluded.
Now ask that brain noise that wrote and now sees this:
WHO would be "escaping" from THE IS-NESS of Eternal Being?
WHO asks all the questions?
What is the questioner?
All questions and answers are brain noise, sounds of the Infinite Silence.
Who asks ANY question?
Get the timeless no-answer to THAT and the first question will make the machine smile.
YOU ARE and THAT is clear, obvious, inescapable. You cannot escape Being.
"Birth" and "Death" are arising IN Being-Awareness/Presence-Livingness/Timeless-Peace! Sat-Chit-Ananda.
Q: I see you’re offering books of Nisargadatta. Thanks for that.
C: You’re welcome.
Q: It’s been interesting to see the changes he experimented with, especially in the way
to express his philosophy. And he’s the reason for this message. Just a simple and small question: What do you think
about Nisargadatta’s radical point of view about consciousness, the one he expresses in "Consciousness
and the Absolute" or "Prior to Consciousness"?
C: That is Absolute Truth. Ponder this:
To know your true nature is utterly simple. Being IS and You are That. There is no “future
enlightenment"; nor are there any enlightened OR unenlightened persons. All is One Being appearing everywhere as what IS.
Know yourself as this Truth that sets “you” free from the delusion of being a separate, incomplete, and
sometimes suffering little pocket Being was never bound, never limited, ever-free, and never could suffer: The ‘one
who suffers’ is merely imagination. Being Thy Self, you are and have always been free, empty, and silent. Know thy self
as This Peace of Eternal Being. THIS is the end of all becoming: Simply BEING and only That. Home.
Q: I understand he has alienated many "spiritual searchers" because he points out that after
the death of the body-mind mechanism there’s not a single drop of self- consciousness. He, as you know, says consciousness
depends on a physical body, and no consciousness remains after its death. He considers consciousness
is like a drop that tells the Absolute It (the Absolute) exists.
C: That is, as always, only a pointer. There is NO “separate absolute” to “see
itself or know itself”. Often pointers will arise in a particular setting for a particular appearance of a questioner;
this is why books and such can never show what is REAL. The One Being has no “parts” to be born or die. Birth
and death never happened to The Being You Are!
Q: Like a signal for the Absolute to know Its own existence, a light in a dark room that will
vanish soon. He does not despise the concept of eternal Awareness, in fact that’s what he thinks we really are, but
he seems to be brutally honest regarding the hopes of the average seeker to remain self-conscious somehow.
C: That is the Ruthless Compassion of The One destroying its own delusions of separateness.
But all of this never-ending storytelling is of course utter bullshit! There is ONLY BEING and YOU are THAT. There was NEVER
and change or separateness in Being. “Time”, “birth”, “death” … all these are just
words, concepts that appear in the Timeless Spacelike Being that IS and prior to consciousness yet never ever apart from that
consciousness. Being-Consciousness-Peace are all "apparent aspects" of the One Life, the One Being. One-Not Two; One-without-a-second;
Pure Presence-Awareness: That Thou Art! Full Stop. Now DO NOT take these words to be representative or descriptive. The word
points to NO THING. You are that Eternal No Thong.
Q: I think this point is a clear distinction point if we compare his teachings and any
other master. All I’ve read remark the fact that self-consciousness is a basic characteristic of Reality. That’s
what "chit" means, isn’t it?
C: No, that is a misinterpretation of what Maharaj pointed to. CHIT is a Sanskrit word that
translates as “consciousness” but that consciousness is NOT a thing the mind can grasp. Moreover Reality HAS NO
characteristics in Truth; all appears as the self-shining Being, which is analogous to Pure Light, only SEEMING to be like
a dream-scape; there is no substance to the appearance and to take appearance as Reality is a big mistake (yet one that no
one makes; there is no doer anywhere, just illusions!) All appearance s Maya, illusion, a play of light and shadow with no
independent existence apart from Absolute Being, the ONE. ALL IS That ONE. That’s IT, my friend.
Q: The other distinction I’ve found is the absolute pessimism on the worldly events. He’s
very insistent regarding the illusory nature of reality, like many other masters say, but he completely despises it.
C: You assign a notion of authoring some judgment to Maharaj and that "author" simply does not
exist. All is appearance and authorless! There was NO "person called Maharaj" to make such judgment. That is a projection
of delusion, the ignorant mind-arrogance that “thinks it knows” what Maharaj “meant”. To point out
the illusory nature of what in ignorance is taken to be real, there IS NO mental judging of ANYTHING appearing in the infinite
space of awareness (BEING) to be good or bad, or right or wrong. To believe so is also illusion. You as a judging entity are
illusion. ALL IS ONE. One Being, One Livingness, One Essence that appears as all that seems to be. Yet ONLY Being is Real.
That is all. This, what IS, is all there is. Time is a mere concept. Location, identity, knowledge are all ignorance, ignoring
the Isness f Being and assuming thoughts to be what we are … all the while YOU as BEING silently watch and love all
the storms and sunshine, all the play as the Expression of No Thing seeming Real until The One points out the folly of taking
a mirage to be real.
Being IS and You are That. Full Stop. Nothing else exists and never did. Being, Birthless, Deathless,
the One Absolute Subject-Awareness: That, Thou Art. Home.
Q: There is this allowing, and the allowing is gentle, the me I sometimes take myself
to be, feels like it's in a struggle with thoughts—phantom though they may be—thoughts seem to want to come in
and spoil the joy—the what is. (I know, isness endures and cannot be spoiled but at times it doesn't
seem that way.)
C: Key word: SEEMS to not be that way. SEEMS the sun rotates round the earth too, right? Taint so!
Q: There's gratitude for Ramana Maharshi´s Who Am I? For a while I didn't get into it—got sidetracked
into thinking "What's the use, don't do anything. Doing anything is dualistic."
But it's been valuable to hear, "As long as you think you're a person... deal with..."
C: NONE of this is under anyone's control!
Q: Yes, just who is it that wants control? Me. Who is this me? Absent—gone when the question is asked.
Where is it? Gone. What does it look like? Nothing. No thing. Everything's fine.
C: Exactly! Moreover if it is gone whenever you look, isn't it clear and plainly non-existent?
There never WAS a separate person called "me". If you cannot find it NOW where could it ever have been? Memory is a LIAR when
it tells you the thought "me comes and goes". Me never was never will be. This is totally UN-conventional spirituality": Nonduality
means Non-Separation. Unicity-Oneness, FULL STOP. Maybe for the brainbodymind, thoughts SEEM to separate you out from the
whole. But can a thought actually DO that? No!
Q: Question: The me critter that doesn't exist, seems to return, when life gets super hairy and I
buy into the thoughts, buy into the me, despite self inquiry. Sometimes they seem extra seductive. Must still think
I'm this identity. Does that mean the inquiry isn't deep enough?
C: Again "seems". Seems so is not IS so! Right here and now have a good look: Who asks the question? Is
there a questioner? Or is the question assuming a questioner that can never be located anywhere?
That said: There can SEEM to be residual habit-patterns of a dream-me apart from dream other-than-me.
No worries! These are simply paltry remainders of the billion trillion impressions graven in the brain cells; synapses fire
and a me thought happens. Key is in naturally knowing what a 'me' or 'I' really IS. What IS the I? "Don't worship graven images!
The Awareness you are is clear and vacant; all else is just imagination (images in this clear aware presence, the Actuality
What IS this "I"? Not a concept! THAT is simplicity itself: "IT" is this clear and obvious presence of awareness.
So as thoughts arise, simply seeing that like clouds in the sky, thoughts are actually powerless and insubstantial
but if any remaining contracted energy of belief goes into taking ANY thought-sensation-feeling to BE ME, or ABOUT ME, that
is simply a misinterpretation of what a me/I is in actuality. The habit can go on for awhile so long as the impression-belief
in "time" and "location" ... the apparent self-center ... remains. The simple inquiry What Is this Me/I? reveals in this instant
that there is NO such separate entity; it's just a meaningless thought endowed with meaning mechanistically by the brain-machinery.
Even the most scary, most angry, most warlike I/other thought-sensation-emotion is absolutely IMPERMANENT ... thought-emption
is like the cloud appearing, snowstorms, thunder, tornadoes ... IN the absolute obviously empty sky. In the metaphor: You
are not the storms; YOU are the Sky. Space-like, Clear, No Thing! The natural eternal I AM is NOT this and NOT that, NOT a
thing, Never EVER Separated from Itself; THAT is ONE without-a-second.
So there can NEVER be any "problem" for the Skylike, Unborn, Beingness, sometimes called ever-fresh
Intrinsic Awareness! You are THAT.
"How wonderful! This immediate intrinsic awareness is insubstantial and lucidly clear: Just this is the highest
pinnacle of all views. It is all encompassing, free of everything, and without any conceptions whatsoever: Just this is the
highest pinnacle among all meditations. It is un-fabricated and inexpressible in worldly terms: Just this is the highest pinnacle
among all courses of conduct. Without being sought after, it is spontaneously self-perfected from the very beginning: Just
this is the highest pinnacle among all fruits." – Padmasambhava
The appearance appears AS a Reflection Of I AM, the Infinite Absolute Self-Appearing Unicity, therefore there
is no need for any practice or inquiry at the final mirror-door, this Gateless Gate which empties "you" into nothing/nowhere,
To paraphrase Longchen Rabjampa:
Experience of inner and outer, Awareness and Its field, so called Nirvana and Samsara, utterly free of constructs
differentiating the gross and the subtle (conceptualizing-experiencing-sensing-knowing), is RESOLVED (dissolved! now! here!)
in the sky-like, utterly empty field of Eternal Reality.
What YOU are cannot be known, as the apparent knower is merely a passing thoughtstorm, mild or fierce, NO
Don't refuse to BE as you are. No Thing, loving to just BE.
Don’t take The Self to be the reflections in the Mirror of Being. You are on the other side
of the looking glass. True Self, Reflecting out of your very Being and appearing as What IS. Being What IS: THIS
is the NaturalStatelessState. Timeless Being. Don't focus on the pointers, NO word is ever going to have the
capacity to describe or evoke the Timeless Wordless Reality that you are in Truth ...
As the Zen 3rd patriarch noted: “WORDS! The Way is BEYOND language! In It there is NO yesterday, NO tomorrow, NO today.”
Q: I really like your communications & appreciate the lack of frills & utter simplicity
with which it comes across. There's apparent flip flopping arising here so access to clear uncompromising reminders seems
good, although I understand that the whole damn lot is just an appearance in awareness.
C: While it is true that everything appears IN Awareness it is also true that everything is
an appearance OF Awareness. In this way: Got a mirror handy? Have a look at it. Consider the reflection of your face in the
mirror. Without the mirror there could be no reflection. Moreover, you cannot say the image in the mirror does not exist.
Now try to grasp the reflection. You cannot. So in a manner of pointing to the Reality of what is, we might say the reflection
in the mirror both IS and IS NOT. It APPEARS solid but you cannot grab it. Now imagine you are the mirror and the apparent
body reflected is actually a reflection OF the mirror. We ASSUME that the world is apart and not us, yet without that “glassy
essence”, the mirror in the metaphor … without the transparent Light of Being-Awareness-Energy (Sat Chit Ananda
in Sanskrit), WHERE could anything BE? That “glassy essence” is NO thing and no “identity” wants to
be No Thing. But as Nisargadatta said, “Don’t refuse to be what you are [No Thing}. And don’t PRETEND to
be what you are not [an idea, a thought imbued with energy assumed to be a person.]
Now: What and where is the 'flip-flop' unless you think about it?
Baba Muktananda said, all sufferings comes from thinking ABOUT
In other words ... the false conviction this thought is ME and/or ABOUT 'me'
Where does conviction put that 'me'? In prison, the prison or contrived personhood (me-myself-I).
It's a serious error in assumption; look at this: What 'takes delivery’ of thoughts?
Isn’t' it the thought 'me' or I am' attaching itself to other thoughts? "It's all about
ME" and all that stuff out there is "NOT ME" ... is that true? No. At the core there is No Thing and That is appearing as
reflections of the True Self, the empty fullness of nothing being everything: Not Two. This is the actuality beyond assumption
and That defies any description: IT, THAT, The Infinite Self, IS Non-separation.
The word POINTS, it's NOT description. Awareness is Conceptless, free of thought: Thoughts come and go IN It. Separateness
is ASSUMED. It ain’t real, dear One!
So long as identity-thoughts are given the power of belief, due to lack of serious investigation
(WHO or WHAT am I REALLY? Am I the body? Where is 'body' in deep sleep? Am I thoughts? Where are thoughts in sleep? Ami IN
the body? Where? Which cell? Show me the I! You cannot. Therefore where IS the I? Only in believed thought contrived
with the liar mind but with alive moving energy at the root, driven by itself in a play of light and shadow.
Who believes? Who knows?
Ask your brain, WHO are you? And, "WHO wants to know?" Who is LISTENING? Don't we assume ...
ASSUME the existence of "someone listening to the voice in the head"? To ASSUME an assertion arising in thoughts to be true,
which is to believe or accept as fact an assertion in language DESPITE the absence of proof or actual evidence?
Challenge ALL assumptions of true false, cutting to the root: WHAT AM I?
As John Greven points out:
"The concept that there is nothing you can do to bring the search to an end is true. Yet, doing
is happening all the time isn’t it? The body is hungry and eating happens. The body is tired and sleep happens. The
search itself is happening. If it is true that there is no doer, then a lot is still getting done! So, there is no one telling
you to inquire, 'Who am I?' There is no one to inquire, “Who am I?” Yet, the inquiry still happens. When it is
seen that the “I” that believes it is doing the inquiry is just a simple thought with a complex web of concepts
supporting it, then no one uncovered the false center of 'me'.” ~ John Greven
Much Love to you! Please feel free to write as Spirit moves you to...
Q: Thanks so much for the generous & compassionate sharing.
Semantics, Spiritual Experiences, and Other Fancy Lies
Q: Several months ago, after recovering from a bout of extreme insomnia, I had the first restful nights sleep in years.
I had always been a pretty stalwart atheist, rejecting anything that is not empirical, not the least bit "spiritual". Actually
I always hated that empty word. It never seemed to have a collective meaning.
C: What is “atheism”? A firm conviction that there is no “supreme being”, isn’t it? And
what is that conviction? Isn’t that a belief, a stand or position taken against and opposing argument? What is belief?
Isn’t it a mental construct, a network-like amalgam of thoughts imbued (sometimes, not always) with sensations, emotions,
feelings? Belief, OR non-belief (another belief called not-believing) requires a key assumption: I am the believe-ER. No believer,
no belief. And the good news is that the ONLY belief you must challenge and transcend is “the belief in me, ‘I’,
the believer. That thought construct accepts the notion that “I am me, an individual, an atheist, a male, a body, a
mind, all add-ons to a false self, an inauthentic reference point, from which point “I” view and judge “the
world and others and etc OUT THERE. The core assumed belief is simple: I am me and you cannot tell me otherwise.
Q: Sitting in the morning, just basking in the wonderful rested feeling, there was a quite unasked for and unexpected
experience of THAT. For the rest of the day life and this body continued to do its thing with no interference and I witnessed
it saying the right things to other bodies at the right time, marveling at everything like it was brand new. The next morning
when I awoke, the experience was over, and like anyone probably would I spent months agonizing over trying to figure out what
had happened and how to get it back. Though I am well past that, and accepting that this experience is gone forever, nonetheless
the perspective from which I see the world is changed.
C: Some call that a “conversion experience”. Of course, that is simply another event in the story of an
“individual” that comes and then goes, often accompanied by “much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth”
… apparently having tasted Paradise but apparently then losing That and often that IS where seeking truly begins. Been
there got the t-shirt! Not real fun. The key to realizing the difference between false “flashy experiences” that
come and go and the actual eternal reality of timeless being consists finally in YOUR OWN undeniable and direct seeing, knowing:
You ARE. In short there is no “person” and yet you are. The beginningless Truth of Being Itself is completely
unassailable and incontrovertible. Seeing naturally happens, knowing naturally happens, in and through the miraculous organism-machine
of a bodybrain apparatus! Then a kind of sub-routine of belief, as in the empty egoic claim “I see, I know, this knowing
belongs to ME, this is MY life, MY body, MY belief, MY unbelief, MY position, where I stand… and the suffering of human
bodybrain machines begins right there in that network of beliefs the core of which is “I/Other-Than-I” …
the essential false dichotomy of dualism, or separateness believed. This is the pretense of being this or that. Interrupt
that bullshit conceptual structure by investigation: WHAT thinks? "I" is a thought. What thinks that thought? What accepts
the inauthentic assumption that “my” identity is made of thoughts? What is listening to that voice in the head
which tells me what I am, who I am, and what to do or not do; what to believe or not believe???
Q: I played the seekers game for a few months, but sniffing out bullshit is hardwired into me, and it didn't take me
that long to realize that almost every resource I could find on the internet about this experience was nonsense, because none
of it could be verified by direct experience.
C: There are many incomplete “teachings” as the simplicity of the inescapability of the permanence of ordinary
being, presencing as this ever-fresh instant of wakingness prior to the assumed conceptual structure called spacetime, separateness,
I and other. You are and that is undeniable. What you are is the question that seeking tries to find the answer for, but in
the end you discover, in actual direct experience, that there is no answer, and in that not-knowing anything, not even knowing
Q: I was ready to give up, but had developed quite a habit of looking for different angles about this, when I found
out about Nisargadatta. This seemed to be the first expression I had found that cut through the bullshit.
C: Same here!
Q: Here was the core of what other religious scriptures hinted at without all the nonsensical, pacifying crap. In correspondence
with two nice gentlemen on the internet, though they were helpful, they recommended very different "practices" about how to
"feel" the I am or how to pave the way for I am letting me go.
C” NO practice is required to BE as you already are. You have never NOT been “That”. To paraphrase
Sri Ramana Maharshi, being the infinite unbounded Being, you assume you are a limited being, then disliking that separateness
of feeling insecure, you take up this or that “spiritual practice” in order to become whole and complete, non-separate.
But if your practice assumes the existence of a separate being that does not in fact exist, then how could that practice allow
you to transcend that? You see, the “I” is a ghost! A phantom, made of nothing at all, a temporal appearance -
the belief in or acceptance of its (fake!) reality requiring absolute faith in “time, location, and other-ness”.
So while some say investigate, ask the brain what Am I?, that is only to prove to the brain-mind program of me/other that
the Oneness that is sought can NEVER be found by the seeker, since the seeker is a phantom! In a dream, the dream character
cannot wake itself up! You are being dreamed, the waking-dream of being an individual. “You as “an individual”
are no more real tan the image you see when you look in a mirror, In TRUTH there is NO separation anywhere; all IS One. Full
Q: One actually convinced me to stop taking my medication for anxiety. This was of course extremely naive on both our
parts, and was a waste of my time. I've resumed my medication and I think I'm back on track.
C: That is a very stupid thing for a so called”teacher” to recommend, nearly criminal, to pretend to practice
medicine without the benefit of having graduated medical school. Responsible expressions always include a note to keep taking
meds, not to play doctor or listen to some jerk play doctor with you! I have no patience for such blatantly foolish and dangerous
Q: So my question is this. How is it that even with a whole day of direct experience of life functioning perfectly fine
without the sense of me, that the trap could snare me again? Does it sound like I have simply adopted another story of me
to replace the old one?
Q: From the morning when I wake up, all the day long, and at night, I am trying to figure out where this I actually
C: What is that? Thoughts! And can a thought DO anything? This that is Real ain’t figure-out-able. It’s
all a tail chasing story of a ‘me’ that in FACT cannot be found in this Awake Presence. If you can’t find
it is it really there? NO!
Q: I am not very caught up in the semantics of it all. There is knowledge from memory that the I is false. This seems
to be my biggest obstacle yet it is the only thing that keeps me trying to root it out. I know it isn't there. I even ask
myself that question constantly. WHO knows there is no I? Of course "I" do. I'm not trying to resolve this paradox. I am looking
for the I.
C: Memory is thoughts appearing presently. WHAT are the thoughts labeled past or memory registering IN? Presence-Awareness,
always new, fresh, NEVER CHANGING!, and absolutely always “ON”.
Q: Am I caught in a loop of logic?
C: Yes and no. The fake identity seems caught up in logic, perhaps. And logic is of NO value here; Emptiness-Appearance-Peace
is NOT logical or linear! You are that. That IS being and JUST THAT. All is bullshit. All words are lies. All scriptures are
false. All expect absolute emptiness is inauthentic. There is nothing to get! Why? Because in Timeless Awareness-Peace there
IS no ‘one’ to get and no it to get. So interimly in the dream, yes, and ultimately as what You are, NO.
Ponder this: Seeking "Wholeness, Completion, Happiness, Love or "Liberation" from “Another”, whether that
"revered other" be a "Guru, Guide, Lover, or Friend", is a perfect way to avoid Paradise. Paradise is THIS. Just as it is
and just as it isn’t. All seeking "out there" is a dream of a “me”, foolishly knocking on the door to Paradise,
from inside Paradise. Paradise is only lost in seeking it. This Loving Oneness Cannot Be Known. To “know” Oneness
there would have to be a sense of separation FROM Oneness. Who cannot see the fault in that logic? Perhaps the natural falling
into clarity forever happens in the seeing by no one that THAT which is Real is BEYOND reason, logic, emption, stories, BEYOND
“time” and “space” (spacetime is conceptual and NOT THAT).
Take some apparent “time” and feel free to write again as the machine is moved to do that! Much love and
best wishes to you. Thanks again for writing.
Fear IS The "Me"
Q: I've watched some of your videos, along others from Tony Parsons,
Jeff Foster, Unmani, and such... and I remembered a few hours ago that you're open to conversation
by e-mail, so I thought I'd send you one...
C: Glad to hear from you!
Q: There has been this fear/anxiety/insomnia picking up in strength recently, particularly in
the last two days, and there's really no way to end it or calm down when it picks up. I remember you in one of your videos
saying that sometimes this whole thing is like making love to a 800 pounds gorilla: it ends when the gorilla's done!
C: Ha! Yes, and isn’t it great that the gorilla (Oneness) is making LOVE and not WAR!
Q: I remember myself laughing when I heard that, but today the gorilla got more intense while
I was at work, and it never happened like that before. I had to go to the bathroom because it was getting overwhelming and
probably everyone around noticed just by looking at my face. So sometimes there's this fear, other times it's hopelessness,
but there's like always that knot in the stomach. Inquiring into whose fear and anxiety this all is, well indeed I can't find
anyone, and the inquiry tends to strengthen the knot.
C: It mat SEEM to "strengthen the knot" but it is in fact LOOSENING the “knot” …
and in fact there IS no “knot” … that's just a meaningless concept that does NOT represent any ACTUAL thing
... and what is plaguing you is nothing more than mental noise imagining a me and fear, overwhelm and other “problems
for me” that are on deeper investigation NOT REAL. You are discovering that you truly can NOT find “anyone’
yet the assumption is still operating, obviously, because that “fear” IS the false “me-persona!”
Q: Sometimes I'm having a hard time trying to find a point to self inquiry, since there's nothing
to be found... but then I tell myself that 'there's nothing to be found' is just some concept, and it's dropped. But then
I might tell myself that it doesn't matter whether such non-dual concepts are dropped or not, because I'm just trying to find
a way out after all, but a way out for what, and for whom? Etc... That’s usually about how it goes when I self-inquire,
I'm like chasing my tail it seems, and so it feels quite meaningless.
C: Yes, indeed it IS all meaningless, empty and unreal; the illusion of “me … the
mind must discover FOR ITSELF that there truly IS “no way out” and the final questions, “Who Am I?”
and “Who asks this?” and “Who cares!?” are THE SOLVENT THAT DISSOLVES BELIEF IN A FALSE “ME”.
This false notion-emotion “I am me’ is the root of all suffering; yet it’s “deconstruction”
may seem like an attack engendering fear. But, I repeat, that is ALL nothing more than empty, meaningless mental-emotional
NOISE and at the heart absolutely unreal. So to share some good advice one of my teachers gave me, JUST KEEP GOING.
Q: So that's about it. I guess I'm sending this e-mail to you expecting that in some way you
might help in bringing about some clarity, but there's this feeling of being vain at the same time. But anyway, I'll be glad
to receive words from you.
C: Take on the bottom line challenge to your cherished assumptions, mainly the assumption “I
am me” and “I am separate form others and the world”. These assumptions are false but you (the brain-machine)
must recognize this directly. The good news is you are on the precipice; that’s why the energy arises of self survival.
That survival mechanism is appropriate when naturally protecting the organism from impending harm … if you inadvertently
step in front of the bus, that mechanism will yank you back to the curb! But that mechanism has been co-opted by the falsely
assumed self-centered identity and in this it is something that can be readily seen through as a kind of transparent con job
Oneness plays on itself, so to speak! So in deeply allowing what appears to be and asking the questions, the fear dissolves
back into the Timeless Love that it is actually made of; an energy of unconditional acceptance arises and the false self falls
off the fool’s precipice and the search is done once and for good.
So, JUST KEEP GOING. Because even though there IS no person, the assumption that there is such
must be dismantled directly by the brain that carries that virus of “me”. So why not go for it!? Stay in touch
if you like and remember, WHO YOU ARE is NOT a thing, not a changing assumed entity, NOT an "object", nothing
the mind can grasp. Who says so? Who am I? WHAT am I? WHERE am I? Who is listening? WHO's watching the brain make these noises?
Ask until there is no asker left and the Presence of Awareness that is the Unchanging Realty is clear and obvious (as it always
is even now despite the brain noise that seems to deny that fact!) Much Love and all best wishes to you.
Q: Followup a while later ... Thanks so much for taking the time to answer the stupid questions you've probably
heard a thousand times! In particular I seriously appreciate you calling me out on my wordy bullshit. I really needed it.
C: Good on ya!From the beginning Not-A-Thing IS" :-) This is the
end of "Becoming" and "Someday, isn't it? Much Love!
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NOTE If there is persistent and deep psychological suffering, please make sure there is not a physical component.
If you have thoughts of suicide there may be a mechanical element ... get a good physician and/or psychiatrist (NOT a psychologist)
to look at the machine and see if it has some chemical imbalance. Non-duality is NOT a substitute for proper medical assessment
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