Q: There is such incredible intense
(NOTE: If there is persistent and deep psychological suffering, please make sure there is
not a physical component. If you have thoughts of suicide there may be a mechanical element ... get a good physician and/or
psychiatrist (NOT a psychologist) to look at the machine and see if it has some chemical imbalance. Non-duality is NOT a substitute
for proper medical assessment and care.)
I have no where to turn. I don't know what to do.
C: In the Absolute Truth, there really IS “no way out”, dear one. Let that
Q: I feel like God hates me and he is punishing me. What a cruel joke to make this impossible
to get out of. Why would he allow this and what have I done. If there is nothing I can do, is there something I can think
or realize. How did I get myself in this? I think it was because I had thoughts of imprisonment and that caused this entrapment because
I try to believe or convince myself I am free. I just don't think freedom is possible for me
C: Don’t you see that this is all a story of a “me” that in deep sleep isn’t
there? It’s taking your self to be this conceptual entity that is at that root of ALL suffering.
To paraphrase a Buddhist writer from the 20th century: All your unhappiness derives
from the fact that you’ve got all your attention on your self, your sense that "I am ME”, and in THAT “ME”
story, THERE IS AN ASSUMPTION OF AN ENTITY THAT DOESN’T EXIST. In short, your story is all about “me” and
in actual FACT (NOT assumption for which there is NO evidence in Reality) - there simply ISN’T ONE.
As Jeff Foster puts it: “My spiritual search reached a point of such intensity that it became
incredibly unpleasant, and serious. But then, in the midst of that seriousness there was a clear seeing that I simply wasn’t
The truth will set you free but before it does it might just piss you off. When the suffering
is most intense, you could say that then there is Oneness closing in on you to annihilate you! So to say. But who said that?
Not I. Yet it is said.
So: You are quite correct in
saying "freedom is not possible for me". (You Can't 'Get
It' - you ARE It.)
Notice how many times a day you use the words I or me and that you are identifying yourself as
that thought-word I that tells and retells the story of “me and my life.” It’s like you take that shadow
the sun casts of that body-brain machine as “you” and complains about the shadow’s so called life, all the
while ignoring the Shining Sun that makes the shadow appear. In the analogy, you are the Sun, the Light that lights both the
form and its shadow. Ignoring THIS is the source of this imaginary suffering. You are dreaming that you are not that light.
Right now: Look in that light of Awareness, this Awakeness itself: Where IS this I? Are you awake?
Anything wrong with that awakeness itself? Is there really a separate “me”? Or is that just a story, thoughts
imbued with feeling, the energy of aliveness arising as that story filled with the sound and fury of emotion, conviction and
strong belief and opinion, arising here and now IN Awakeness Itself?
The root of your apparent suffering is that you tell and retell that "poor me" story and believe
it. Look for the entity you call "I" or the "me" that tells this story. Who are you? Find that you are aware, awake, before
that story and after that story. Find That which never changes. And make certain you do not have a physical component to this;
ask your doctor if there is a condition of chemical imbalance. If that’s the case that brain-machine’s chemical
imbalance might be a factor in the suffering. I know that from my own experience! Nonduality is NOT a substitute for competent
medical assessment! The organism may need some appropriate medication to correct any brain imbalance. It's like a car that
is not running right; you take it to a mechanic. Maybe the car's fuel delivery system has some clogged circuits
in it and that gets fixed, and maybe a special additive to the fuel is prescribed for the fuel to keep the system free,
and then the car runs like new again. Get my point?
Freedom is not for a me or I; it is the natural state of aware awake livingness prior to all language.
So the pointer is: It is not that there is nothing "you" can do or not do! It is that this "you" that is taken to be who you
are is a fiction! This point is repeated many times as it seems to take some time to sink in. YOU ARE and that aliveness-awakeness
IS what you truly are, and all your problems are imaginary.
The bottom line is that you cannot get this. You will never get this.
You cannot get "it" because you already ARE "It" - can space know or get space? The pointer is that there is no "you" at all
- the "you" is a fiction, a phantom, ephemeral, a thought or sense of being "me" that comes and goes in the space that You
really are. There is no "you" yet there is NO doubt that You ARE. You are. That
is all there is to this. Here. Now. You Are. End of seeking.
As is pointed out over and over here, Seeking "Wholeness, Completion, Happiness, Love or "Liberation" from “Another”,
whether that "revered other" "be a "Guru, Guide, Lover, or Friend", is a perfect way to avoid Paradise. Paradise is THIS. Just as it Is and just as
it Isn’t. All seeking "out there" is a dream of a “me”, foolishly knocking on the door to Paradise, from inside Paradise. Paradise is only lost in seeking it. This
Loving Oneness Cannot Be Known. To “know” Oneness there would have to be a sense of separation FROM Oneness. Who
cannot see the fault in that logic?
Good luck and best wishes. As a guy in the UK who has seen into this false assumption
of a “me” – ‘I hope you die soon.”
When that me fades and is seen to be what it really is – a
nonentity assumed to be real in ignorance – the truth dawns, and that is to “know the truth and the truth will
set you free”.
No truth, no peace. Know Truth, Know Peace!